I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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