I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
