Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
