Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
