so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
