Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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