This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
