Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
