A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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