Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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