No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
