first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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