Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
