Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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