im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
