I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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