my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
