We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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