i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
