the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We are two peas in an std pod
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
