Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
