First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
