I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
