Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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