why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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