He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
