No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
