Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
