I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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