Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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