highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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