Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there was a trapeze. enough said
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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