I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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