At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
