Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
