i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
