oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Found the puke drawer
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
