Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
