Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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