I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
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