Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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