You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Never underestimate the power of titties
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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