I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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