I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
