Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
