Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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