8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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