so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
