so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
