i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
