Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
