Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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