He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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