HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
