I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
