dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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