I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
