Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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