a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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