Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
