Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
