My first STD was from a foam party
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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