I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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