I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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