she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
