What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
