so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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