i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
