i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
