i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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