you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
