You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize