Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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